#1

Naked Woman Chases Jehovah’s Witnesses Off Of Her Porch And Down The Street Yelling, “Succumb To My Devil Vagina Magic!”

Fillmore California – Brandy Williams has been taken to Ventura County jail after an altercation involving two Jehovah’s Witnesses. Ms. Williams was seen running naked after two young men on bicycles who were going door to door to spread the message of Christ in her neighborhood. Brandy saw the men about 3 houses away from hers and decided right then and there to strip off her clothes and give these guys a memory they will not soon forget.

“Ms. Williams thought it would be funny to answer the door in the nude and shock these young men. The two men sat stunned on her porch for a brief moment before returning to their bicycles. They are familiar with folks being rude, but what Ms. Williams did next went a little too far”, Deputy Sheriff MacEwen said. It’s not everyday you see a naked woman chasing two men down the street. – Neighbor Tom Ellison

The men, Luke and John, are used to people being rude, slamming doors, and even yelling at them, but for a naked woman to greet them at the door, that was quite the shock. Neither one had seen a woman naked before and they didn’t quite know how to respond. Not to mention the strange erotic sensations they were feeling for the first time as well. It was quite obvious that their message was not going to be heard at this particular house and that it was time to move on to the next one. When the men went to return to their bikes, Brandy wasn’t yet done trying to get under their skin. A nude Brandy started speaking of her vagina and the “Devil’s” magic it contained. “Take a good look at my p*ssy. Succumb to my devil vagina magic”. This got the attention of the pair of men. They began to fear what may happen next and began to pedal away.

Brandy took off running after them, but she did not make it too far as neighbors had already informed police of an altercation involving their neighbor and the two young men. She was apprehended without incident and after having their statements taken the men were free to go to spread the word of God.

#2

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Florida woman sues Kraft Heinz for $5M, claims mac and cheese never ‘ready in 3.5 minutes’

‘Deceptive advertising is deceptive advertising.’ attorney says

Product photo (U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida)

HIALEAH, Fla. – How much is your time worth?

According to a Hialeah woman, the extra time she’s spent preparing a mac and cheese product that “falsely” claims it’s “ready in 3 1/2 minutes’ ‘ is worth at least $5 million. Amanda Ramirez filed a class-action lawsuit against Kraft Heinz in Miami federal court earlier this month, seeking damages from the company over what she says is its “false and misleading” claims about how quickly its microwavable Velveeta Shells & Cheese cups take to be ready, Ramirez, described in the lawsuit as a shopper who seeks to “stretch (her) money as far as possible when buying groceries” and who “looks to bold statements of value when quickly selecting groceries,” bought the product between October and November at a Hialeah Publix, for a “premium price, approximately no less than $10.99,” according to court documents. Ramirez had the expectation that the product would be ready to eat in three-and-a-half minutes “from the moment it is unopened to the moment it is ready for consumption,” based on the labeling, according to the lawsuit. But she claims the labeling should take into account the additional preparation required before and after cooking the product in the microwave for 3 1/2 minutes, including removing the lid and the cheese sauce pouch, adding water to the fill line and stirring and then stirring again after cooking and allowing the product to thicken while standing.

The lawsuit suggests the packaging should instead say the product takes “3 1/2 minutes to cook in the microwave.”

Ramirez claims Kraft Heinz sold more of the mac and cheese product “and at higher prices than it would have in the absence of this misconduct, resulting in additional profits at the expense of consumers.” Local 10 News has reached out to Kraft Heinz for comment. Ramirez’s attorney, Will Wright, released a statement to Local 10 News, defending filing the lawsuit on her behalf, despite the degree of “flak” he’s received: “I’ve gotten a lot of flak about this case, but deceptive advertising is deceptive advertising. Here, Kraft charges extra for a desirable feature (saving time) but the marketing is false, it takes far longer for the product to be ready than as advertised. Deceptive advertising plain and simple. There are a lot of people that may feel this is just a little fibbing and not really a case and I get that. But we are striving for something better. We want corporate America to be straightforward and truthful in advertising their products. My firm also represents clients in what most would say are more compelling cases (arsenic in baby food, etc.) but we don’t feel corporations should get a pass for any deceptive advertising. The consumers deserve better.”

#3

SANTA SPANKS SPOILED KID INFRONT OF PARENTS AT A MALL

A shopping mall Santa was seen spanking a young boy over his knee in Large department store last weekend as the parents watched on. The Santa on duty was warned of the boy’s foul mouth and disrespect for his parents before the encounter. The boy named Elliot, who was 7 years old, jumped up on Santa’s lap to tell him what he wanted for Christmas this year. Santa asked what he would like and the foul language started, he wasn’t asking he was telling, and very demanding. Santa asked the boy why he was such a rude child and he cursed out Santa while throwing a temper tantrum. Well ole Saint Nick has had his fill and put him over his knee and started spanking this young boy. When he was done the parents gave Santa a round of applause and thanked him. The department store isn’t available for comment, but we were told he’s still working.

#4

MAN SUES WAITRESS FOR HALF OF 

LOTTERY WINNINGS

A Tennessee man sues a waitress for half her lottery winnings from a scratch off he gave her as a tip instead of real money.

The waitress, Tracy McGivens says she gets scratchers, off and on as tips from the regulars she serves every day. Never thinking they would amount anything but a few bucks but, the one she got that day from regular Jim Patterson, was a 275 thousand dollar winner! She almost passed out after she realized that it was that large of a winning ticket. The news spread fast through the restaurant and Jim was alerted to the large amount. He hounded Ms. McGivens about the winnings, telling her she owed him half the winnings since he purchased the ticket. She said, so I need to give you half of my tip that you gave me? He replied yes, I bought the ticket and you should split it with me. She was more upset for the way he acted and telling her what to do , instead of being nice and asking if she would share some of the winnings with him. So now there’s a lawsuit against her for half the winnings. We’re gonna have to wait to see the outcome of this disagreement when she gets her day in court. Meanwhile she continues to still wait tables at the restaurant but, Mr. Patterson doesn’t frequent the place anymore.